LORD FEEPNESS

Lord Feepness was one of the two closest advisors to Lord Dimwit Flathead; the other being Delbor of Gurth and, also, perhaps Syovor the Strong (although history is not clear on this matter). Whether flattery, force, or authentic, his praise of the king can clearly be seen:


Feepness was the voice of sanity and moderation among the advisors. Three examples clearly prove this point. In 776 GUE Dimwit planned to build a Royal Museum under 2 miles of mountain and surrounded by 500 feet of steel in order to hose the crown jewels. Historical evidence suggests that Feepness deterred Dimwit from this extreme plan, but was less successful in other matters.

When Dimwit conceived of a massive underground flood control dam with thousands of gates, Lord Feepness asked the king, "Wouldn't that be just a tad excessive?" These words of wisdom were ignored, and the history books say nothing more of Lord Feepness until the 14th of Mumberbur, 789 GUE. On this day, hours before Dimwit died, the king conceived of a plan to construct a new continent, whose outline and contours would be a gigantic reproduction of his own visage. However, the empire simply did not have enough money to build it, and Lord Feepness pointed out that raising the tax rate from 98% to 100% simply would not be a wise political move.

After the death of Dimwit Flathead, Loowit Flathead was the next in line to take the throne of Quendor. No doubt, given Loowit's distance from the capital in the east and his apparent lack of power, the group of royal advisors that assumed temporary control after Dimwit’s sudden collapse gave serious thought to ignoring the surviving members of the dynasty and elevating one of their own to the throne of Quendor. The seeming disinterest in the issue among members of the royal family, as well as the complacence of the Quendoran military, would have assured the success of such a scheme, and it seems that the capable Lord Feepness himself was on the verge of reaching for the throne. However, through a series of events still unclear today, someone in Aragain had managed to get word to Loowit and he eventually took his proper place upon the throne.

Through the reign of Duncwit Flathead (813~843), Syovar and the ever level-headed Lord Feepness were the guiding hands of the kingdom for most of this period while the crown was upon the head of this cowardly monarch.

By the time Duncwit's advisors were compelled to push the old monarch off his throne, it was clear to everyone involved that Barbawit had absolutely no interest in taking charge of Quendor. The high-ranking military figures that ousted Duncwit have been blamed for ignoring a golden opportunity and doing away with the reigning dynasty once and for all. Lacking the political originality, or perhaps fearing the consequences of bringing the Curse to an early fulfillment, the small group of coup leaders felt they had no choice but to take their chances with Barbawit. The older group of advisors that had steadied the course of the state after the deaths of Dimwit and Loowit had long since been distanced from the reigns of power at Aragain, Feepness himself finally giving in to the death of a lonely exile in the wilds of Fenshire, and already the young Idwit Oogle Flathead was itching for a chance to claim the throne.

SOURCE(S): Zork III, Zork Zero, A History of Quendor