MR. SNEED

The exact date of Mr. Sneed’s reign as a Festeron postman was approximately twenty years prior to that of Simon’s (which was an indefinite period of time after the reign of the first one in 1157 GUE), and there was at least one other postal worker between their reigns. He found that being a postman was a fine job (complete with his Kitchen Wonder, a gift from Hortense), until Festeron turned into Witchville. Even then, he found things were bearable until Gladys got a hold of him. The Boot Patrol had caught him very quickly and turned him over to The Evil One. She was usually merciless with most of those who wore postal uniforms, but due to his meek nature, she was much kinder to Sneed than she was to his predecessors. After that moment, Sneed became paranoid. He began thinking that Gladys was everywhere, watching his every move. And should he do anything else against her, he feared her retribution would be even worse. Some people seem to lose their grip on reality. In Sneed’s case, it was reality that had began losing its grip on him. It happened when he got worried. The more fretful he got, the more he seemed to fade into the background, until one day he discorporated. Though Sneed still dwelt in Festeron, he was overlooked completely. Perhaps he had been worried for nothing about The Evil One’s eavesdropping, for he had become so transparent that not even The Evil One’s magic could see him. Thus he remained immune to the Witchville curse. It was not until Simon came to Festeron two decades later that he was again able to make human contact.

For human contact made him stronger. Without it, he was a gray smudge, like some sort of morning haze hanging over the hill. If one did not know where to look, it was easy to miss Sneed altogether. But when noticed, the haze was able to take on definition. The lower portions would solidify into a somewhat rumpled gray raincoat with dark brown grease-stains, while the top would develop into what could charitably be called facial features. The small, mild-mannered man scouted the realm with his blue eyes. This condition prevented most people from seeing him at all, thus providing no human contact. Thus he had gotten used to fading into the background. It became part of his personality.


SNEED'S ADVENTURES WITH SIMON
Sneed first met Simon on the Pleasure Wharf, who had set up a crooked shell game. Although Simon had intended to scam Brad MacGuffin, he returned the snatched coin in an attempt to make Gloria Magnifico fond of his charity. Though Sneed was blinded to Simon’s true motive, he was impressed by his nobility. Simon was one of the few who could see him, which Sneed believed he had a gift at doing so. This would lead Sneed feel that Simon might be the ideal postman of Festeron.

When Simon had been imprisoned at the Police Station for his refusal to sing the national anthem and for setting up the crooked shell game, Sneed sought him at the cell, telling him he would speak on his behalf for his trial the next morning. At the court room, Sneed’s attempted to speak out on behalf of the accused, but no one was able to hear or see him, even when he frantically pounded on the judge’s bench. Afterwards, once Simon had been sentenced as the next postal worker, he met Sneed, who apologized for being unable to help at the trial and then accompanied Simon to deliver the mail.

Sneed intended to tell Simon the truth about the curse of Witchville once they were on the outskirts of town, where he could talk freely, but before they could, Mr. Crisp found Simon. Unable to cope with any sort of insubstantiality, Sneed vanished.  Witchville would come before Simon and Sneed would meet again. But in the meantime, he realized that his insubstantiality might have a positive side effect on the little drama. For when Witchville came, he would be able to explore the entire twisted city under Gladys’ very nose without her even realizing he was there. In an odd sort of way, he would be able to use The Evil One’s sorcery against her.

And when Sneed found Simon again outside the Magnifico cottage, he told him everything, because he realized it was time to stand up and be counted. After Sneed’s confessions, the two rescued Princess Tasmania, who once again was in despair, this time caught in a metal trap.  The entire beach was littered with trap that had been intended for Simon. Sneed triggered the rest of the traps with a dead branch while Simon used the Kitchen Wonder’s Trap Neutralizer function to remove the trap from Tasmania. As a reward, Tasmania showed Simon had to activate the Kitchen Wonder’s whistle attachment (she was out of the normal whistles that were commonly given to the postmen). After throwing the platypus into the water, they heard the Boot Patrol drawing near. Sneed vanished in fear while Simon escaped by blowing the whistle Tasmania had given him.

Sneed did not return until Simon and Tasmania had been kidnapped in the Festeron Library by Violet Voss and Mr. Crisp. He took the Kitchen Wonder from Simon’s pocket and used it to unlock his handcuffs. After Tasmania was saved, they fled the library while Violet Voss and Crisp were locked in some romantic trace. When Gladys came to apprehend them, Sneed and Simon escaped to the Misty Island with Tasmania.

The two companions went to the church where Gladys was hiding out. . Sneed tried to enter the church using the ‘unlock door’ function of the Kitchen Wonder, but erroneously pressed the blender button. Simon encouraged the worried, shameful Sneed to try again. This time the little man was successful. But at that moment, Gloria opened the doors and informed the Evil One that they were there. Gladys handed over the killing of Simon to Gloria, who in turn handed it over to Brad and the Boot Patrol. Simon and Sneed made a run for it. The Boot Patrol pursued Sneed and Simon through both the graveyard and underground tunnels until the troop was devoured by Amy Sue Grue, who had previously been befriended by Simon.

Sneed accompanied Simon back to the church where the postman was able to finally defeat Gladys, at least for this round. Once Witchville had returned to normal, Sneed permanently solidified and showed his gratitude by helping Simon with the mail.