NASTURTIUM (NASTY)

Known by almost all by her nickname "Nasty", Nasturtium used to hate the dark as a child. When she started studying magic, she knew if she never could memorize another spell, she would memorize FROTZ. It had saved her a small fortune in candles and lamp oil. And when she later owned a castle, without it, the lighting bills would have “killed” her.

During the reign of Kwisko (c. 150-175 GUE), Nasturtium was married to a man who already had given birth to a previous daughter, the haughty Esmerelda. When her father passed away, Nasturtium inherited his Mauldwood castle and became the guardian of his daughter. When Esmerelda was both mature of age and countenance, Esmerelda was the sight of every man. Despite her most crafty and shrewd means, Nasturtium was almost unable to stop the overly comely woman from throwing herself at everything in pants. Originally the witch forbade her from leaving the castle, but the selfish Esmerelda was not about to submit herself to any form of parental obedience. These days presented her with many opportunities to perfect her stealth abilities by sneaking in and out of the castle right under Nasturtium’s nose. Esmerelda presumed that her terribly ugly stepmother was jealous of her beauty, but this was a false claim. A mother had a responsibility, and finally Nasturtium had to resort to enchantment. It was the only way she could keep her home.

Nasturtium spent a lot of money on a casket, the finest in Quendor (to match Esmerelda’s obsession for the best of everything), and placed a time-suspension spell upon the needle of a spinning wheel. Esmerelda was lured by the witch into a room where the wheel was set. Upon set her hands to it, she pricked a finger and fell victim to the time-suspension spell. She placed Esmerelda into a casket in one of the upper tower rooms. This was where the comely maiden would sleep and retain her youth and beauty for five hundred years, when a kiss would awaken her during the days of Duncanthrax.

But magic must be constantly renewed. Even so, it is not quite stable. It leaks. Thus over the years, the leakage affected her coffin first, slowing down time within. Then it spread throughout the tower room. As the spell was constantly renewed over and over, the effect eventually permeated the entire castle and enveloped the entire forest of Mauldwood. Thus an hour or two to one wandering within its ancient depths could be years, or even entire decades in the realm without. Even Nasturtium was effected. Over the years she grew a terrible reputation, and most of the other residents of Mauldwood desperately feared her. 

Over the years, Nasturtium grew stoop-shouldered with a half bent back. Her gray hair swept upward and moved with every slight motion she made, as if it were bleached seaweed growing underwater, and warts grew upon her needlike nose. She always was swathed all in black-dress, cloak even a pointed hat. A particularly nasty smile was usually seen upon her fat-joweled face, as she laughed at her own cleverness in her high-pitched voice. She was a real witch if there ever was one. “That Nasty’s got a face like hail damage on an old barn roof," those of the seventh century would say, amongst other nasty things about her.

Her preferred method of transportation was the broom. To ride it, she lifted one foot and kicked downward several times without actually touching the ground, and one of her wrists made a sharp, twisting motion. A keen roar filled the doorway as a sudden wind whistled around her and swept her wizard’s cloak straight out.

Sometime between 665-668 (as time passes differently within Mauldwood), three men, Caspar Wartsworth, Sunrise, and Satchmoz the Incomparable dared to tread upon her castle grounds. Despite the smart-mouthed statue which she set up to warn intruders to keep away, they trespassed upon her property. While Nasturtium did not keep away from her castle for long, she was away when they arrived. They awakened Esmerelda from her slumber, and nearly managed to escape before the main doors suddenly disappeared and were replaced with a solid wall. The witch Nasturtium had returned. After a lengthy argument, Nasturtium finally gave in to their pleas and allowed for Esmerelda to depart with the men.  As they left, Nasturtium called behind them, “I told you boys you’d pay for waking her up. Well, you will, too. I’m letting you take her.” For she knew how spoiled, selfish, ungrateful, and bratish the snobbish girl was.

Shortly after they had left, the advancement of the Great Underground Highway burrowed beneath her basement. The shaking of the tunneling caused the entire north tower of her castle to fall in. She was determined to find those responsible and had followed the tunnel all the way to Borphee. When she emerged, she stumbled upon Satchmoz, Sunrise, Caspar, and Esmerelda who were attempted to escape from the Borphee Guild of Wizards. She joined the group as they fled the courtyard to an old warehouse near the wharves. She turned out to be rather friendly, and offerred to assist them.

After Nasturtium realized that Satchmoz’s SATCHMOZ looked exactly like her TRIZBORT, they all agreed to reenter the palace. This time Nasturtium would be the anchor for AIMFIZ. She flew into the courtyard on her broom and used a powerful spell to put all of the guards on the exterior of the palace to sleep. She saved an additional one for the soldiers still within. When they had given her plenty of time to properly complete her deeds, Satchmoz AIMFIZed them to her position inside the palace.

Once inside the palace, Nasturtium magically put more guards to sleep. Satchmoz was highly impressed with the magical ability of the ugly witch. Without anyone noticing when she left, Esmerelda went in search of Meezel. A low laugh rumbled out of the darkness—someone knew that they were there.

A corridor that they found gradually descended to an abandoned torture chamber deep below the palace. Another low laugh vibrated through the air as they followed the passage beyond that descended lower and lower underground. It was then that the party realized that the source of the laughter was a single pursuing grue. The rumor that all grues had been eradicated by Entharion the Wise caused this encounter to be startling.

To keep the grue at bay, Caspar plucked a few broom straws from Nasturtium’s previously FROTZed broom and flicked them into the darkness. A straw was dropped every twenty paces or so to keep the grue away as the party continued onward. Without warning, the tunnel suddenly sloped download like a slide. They all tumbled into a node with several tunnels leading from it and with a huge crystal door.

The FROTZ spell on the broom died, plunging them all into complete darkness. The grue fell into the node with them. Burble went after the grue but was instantly swatted away. In retaliation, Nasturtium FROTZed the grue. Before their horrified eyes, the maddened beast ran about chaotically with pain-wracked roaring, pounding on the walls while its fur and flesh were consumed by the light. All that remained was a black smoking crumbled mass.

Pseudo-Duncanthrax appeared in the chamber, enraged by the death of his pet grue. But before anyone could assault him, he VAXUMed the entire group, forcing them to become adoring subjects. Now that they were all subjected, Pseudo-Duncanthrax opened the great crystal door with a touch of his wand.

Esmerelda in the meantime had found Meezel in the dungeon, who had been terrorizing the guards. She suddenly dropped in from one of the chutes. Unable to stop her momentum, she knocked Pseudo-Duncanthrax over. A harsh word from him broke the VAXUM enchantment. The king tried to escape into the crystal room, but Meezel dropped in from above and landed on his back. His cloak was torn off, but using his wand, he escaped through a hidden door that locked behind him and Drespo Molmocker, impersonator of Duncanthrax, slipped from the pages of history forever.

A search of through Pseudo-Duncanthrax’s cloak revealed KATPI, VAXUM and PLASTO scrolls in the cloak (as well as a small key ring, bottle opener, 2 zorkmids, 1 zorkle, 4 lint balls).
They passed through the crystal door into the Great Underground Highway, and came to a place where hundreds of men, woman, and children were making mortar for the highway’s roadbed. The real King Duncanthrax in amongst this group, that had all been ensorcelled by Pseudo-Duncanthrax’s VAXUM. An outburst of anger at Duncanthrax from the party instantly broke the VAXUM spell. Burble went around whispering naughty words into people’s ears to break each individual’s enchantment.

Crafty Nasturtium had always desired for Esmerelda to be in a good marriage, and cast a love spell. Because of the enchantment, Esmerelda was instantly attracted to the king. The two were amorous for each other from that day forth.

Satchmoz realized that the entire group could not return the way they had come, but believed that he could use TRIZBORT/SATCHMOZ to transport everyone home. Satchmoz told everyone present, including Burble, to concentrate on their homes for the enormous amount of presence that would be required by the spell. Everyone chanted “There’s no place like home” while Satchmoz cast the spell. Everyone was transported back to their respective homes. This event of returning home is known today as “The Great Magic.”

Afterward, the famed Satchmoz, who was in love with Nasturtium, had plans to see her again in the near future. The witch had not had a date in four centuries and Satchmoz had never had one.