Exploration of the Eastlands, 666 GUE
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DRESPO MOLMOCKER (PSEUDO-DUNCANTHRAX)
Drespo Molmocker, more renownly known as Pseudo-Duncanthrax,
usurped the throne from the true Duncanthrax in 660 GUE, and while
impersonating the king, secretly ruled the kingdom of Quendor until his
exposure in 668. Most of the ruthless deeds attributed to Duncanthrax
were in fact carried out by this imposter (although many historians
suspect that acts of this nature may still have taken place should the
true king have maintained all the days of his reign).
PSEUDO-DUNCANTHRAX USURPS THE THRONE (660
GUE)
Following
the New Year's Revolt on the last day of 659, the insurrectionist King
Duncanthrax found that he would be on the throne for a mere day and
night after having usurped the throne from King Zilbo Throckrod III.
Immediately following the coronation, Drespo
Molmocker, who was a minor magician, sought to interest the king with a
mammoth project. The two discussed this proposal in secret, and by the
end of the meeting, Duncanthrax refused, since the cost was far too
great. As if this moment had been a result of decades of planning,
Drespo Molmocker ensorcelled Duncanthrax with VAXUM, incanted the
PLASTO spell to give him the identical appearance of Duncanthrax, and
then had the real Duncanthrax imprisoned. It seems that this theft of
identity was for the sole purpose of putting into action his bizarre
desire to found the Frobozz Magic Company.
Drespo Molmocker had
intended to impersonate Zilbo III, but trying to replicate a thousand
little queer personality quirks would have easily tripped him up. Since
Duncanthrax’s reign of less than a day was too short to make his
character widely known, it would not be suspected that the Duncanthrax
sitting on the throne was but a fraud. To ensure his odd behavior was
not detected, on the second day of what everyone knew to be the new
king’s reign, Pseudo-Duncanthrax began the task of rounding up everyone
that the real Duncanthrax had ever known. His soldiers also seized all
of the waifs and orphans, all the homeless who lived on the streets,
all the vagrants with no employment, and had them enrolled in his
prisons.
PURSUIT OF ZILBO III (660~665
GUE)
Unable
to escape from Borphee due to the heavily guarded gates and streets
that were had been flooded with the king’s soldiers since the
coronation, Zilbo III went into hiding behind the vast city walls.
Pseudo-Duncanthrax was unwilling to admit that Zilbo had escaped from
his hands. He feared that if the former king was found alive, that a
new rebellion would arise. His fears were unfounded, as it appears
unlikely that even a single soul would have been in favor of the boring
former king. Regardless, Pseudo-Duncanthrax insisted that his soldiers
find and murder Zilbo before any realized that he still lived. Using
the alias “Zil”, Zilbo III remained hidden within Borphee until 665.
CAPITAL MOVED FROM LARGONETH TO EGRETH
(660 GUE)
Long
years had caused Largoneth to be disused. Instead of returning to reign
from the capital, one of Pseudo-Duncanthrax’s first acts as king was to
move the government of Quendor from Largoneth in 660 GUE. He was quite
eccentric, as the new location of the capital was to be in Egreth,
reputed to be the most dangerous and deadly territory in the known
lands, where the seat of power would remain for over a hundred years.
The castle was to be moved as well. The people were pleased by this
decree,
but they absolutely swooned when he insisted that the job be done
without disassembling a single piece of the castle. On several
occasions during the moving process, entire legions of workers were
crushed beneath the awkwardly moving mobile palace. So within the first
six months of his rule, Pseudo-Duncanthrax had caused more unnecessary
deaths than the entire Entharion Dynasty combined. Because it would be
impossible to reign comfortably from the moving castle, the capital was
temporarily located at Borphee.
Another grandiose project
of Pseudo-Duncanthrax was the Glass Maze, built on a whim in the
same
year, to amuse his friends and torture his enemies. This labyrinth of
27 cubicles, full of devilish pitfalls, is still today located
underground near his castle, Egreth, just off the western branch
of the
Great Underground Highway #2.
Pseudo-Duncanthrax
was also heavily fond of women, many women. To cultivate his lustful
needs, he stationed a concubine chamber in the Royal Palace, which
continually contained a bevy of scantily clad women, all draped in
strategically placed silks
and satins. A long delicate chain of gold joined them all by their
wrists. Each lady was perfect of form and face, elegantly coiffed and
jeweled with smears of rouge in the cleavages between their plump
breasts and filled the air with an effusion of perfume.
CONQUEST OF THE WESTLANDS (660~662
GUE)
Quendor
at the time of Zilbo III's removal from power was relatively small,
encompassing seven-and-a-half provinces divided along rather arbitrary
and outdated boundary lines dating from the time of Entharion the Wise.
These were Galepath, Mareilon, Quendor, Znurg, Vriminax, Bozbar,
Frobozz, and Borphee (which had remained divided since the formation of
the kingdom, ignored as too difficult to be worth the trouble). In
those days, the major products of this agrarian land were rope and
mosquito netting.
In the year 660 GUE, Pseudo-Duncanthrax raised a
tremendous army to wage a systematic conquest of the neighboring
kingdoms, quickly reaping a reputation for cruelty, bloodthirstiness
and aggressiveness, thus forever earning the nickname “The Bellicose
King.” This vile ruler moved swiftly and brutally against the southern
half of Borphee and put an end to the tottering and defenseless dynasty
of Mauldwood. Finally accomplishing the merger of the two halves,
Pseudo-Duncanthrax called the resulting territory Greater Borphee
Province. This move began a trend; one by one, the neighboring
principalities of Miznia, Gurth, and Mithicus were brought under
Quendoran sway and given new provincial administrations. Orexia, on the
extreme southern border of Miznia was not brought into Quendor,
Pseudo-Duncanthrax himself being too unwilling to combat the diseases
and dangers of the Miznian jungles and swamps in order to reach Orexia
itself. Thus within three years, Pseudo-Duncanthrax ruled an empire
that controlled virtually all the land between the Great Sea and the
Kovalli Desert.
One of the major components of his rapid success
was the invention of gunpowder in the same year, which saw the
development and mass production of guns, cannons, bombs and eventually
rockets. Pseudo-Duncanthrax equipped his men and fortresses with these
new projectiles—those at Fort Griffspotter are reputed to be some of
the most magnificent erected in these days. The dangers posed by these
firearms would motivate the engineering of new fortifications designed
to defeat them.
With the completion of the conquest of the
Westlands, Duncanthrax was faced with the peculiar problem of absorbing
lands several times the size of his original kingdom. Clearly it made
little sense to turn each conquered land into an individual province,
since any one of the new territories would be much larger than most of
the original provinces combined. At this point, realizing that the
original seven provinces were now too small to be effective in the new
system, one of his many administrative reforms was merging them all
into the Province of Frobozz, thus bringing to completion the creation
of the provincial system as we know it: Frobozz, Greater Borphee,
Miznia, Gurth, and Mithicus.
But by the end of 662, with the
Westlands under his rule, Pseudo-Duncanthrax was dissatisfied with the
size of his empire. The nation of Quendor spanned across every inch of
the Westlands, but the exploits of Yoruk had yielded two great
landmasses that had yet to be conquered. His conquering eye looked to
Antharia and the Eastlands.
THE BATTLE OF FORT GRIFFSPOTTER
(665 GUE)
The
relatively easy conquest of Antharia on the part of
Pseudo-Duncanthrax's naval force should not, contrary to popular
belief, be explained by citing the bellicose and aggressive nature of
the new Quendoran king. Unlike the king’s territorial expansions in the
Westlands, the war over Antharia was a strictly defensive maneuver.
(Although if given the proper time, it is easily calculable that
Pseudo-Duncanthrax would have cherished the notion of being the one to
have instigated the conflict.) The king, in mustering the totality of
his economic resources to create an immense naval force from scratch,
did not immediately plan a scheme of oversea colonization and conquest.
In fact, it is clear that the Quendoran king had only fleeting notions
of the existence of any lands beyond Antharia, and in all likelihood
had only the dimmest plans of expansion at the expense of Antharia.
A
more likely explanation of the events lies in the history of the
obscure and mysterious Antharian civilization that rose quickly in the
5th century GUE upon the failed pilgrimage to Hades. The Antharian
Armada had grown quite large in the centuries since the island-nation
was settled. Antharia was, at the time, the premier sea power of Zork.
Setting out to conquer new lands and expand their own empire, a small
portion of the Armada drew near to Fort Griffspotter along the Eastland
coast.
Sighting the
renegade ships, Pseudo-Duncanthrax sent his own fleet to place the
Armada in a pincer between his forces and the fort. While the
tremendous cannons upon the battlements normally would have used little
effort to dispatch the trapped fleet, the Antharians had already
successfully invaded Quendoran soil and taken Fort Griffspotter for
themselves. The Quendoran fleet found themselves barraged by both the
fort’s heavy artillery fire and a small fleet of Antharian ships,
forcing Pseudo-Duncanthrax to withdraw.
Further attempts were made
by the king to redeem Fort Griffspotter, but the long barrel guns
continually held his ships at bay and prevented him from closing to
grappling range. The ships were clearly no match for both the gunpowder
and the imported Antharian war machines, and would have met a quick
fate were it not for Pseudo-Duncanthrax’s clever backup plan to
dismantle the artillery fire.
The wise king secretly sent a ship
full of spies in Antharian uniforms to infiltrate the fort. For several
months, these men carefully sifted into the ranks and took posts within
Fort Griffspotter. Pseudo-Duncanthrax continued to engage in small
naval battles over the course of this subterfuge until at the key
moment, the spies took out the fort’s gunners, allowing
Pseudo-Duncanthrax to move his ships into firing range.
Without the
fort for support, the remaining Antharian fleet was trapped and
destroyed. Unaware of the successful subterfuge, Pseudo-Duncanthrax’s
fleet let loose on the fort upon sinking the opposing battleships. The
spies were killed in the shelling along with the remaining Antharian
soldiers, and the tactic remained secret long enough for the reputation
of the Quendoran Navy’s might to be spread abroad.
By borrowing from
Fort Griffspotter’s vast armory and creating manufacturing facilities
that mimicked the Antharians’ advanced weapons technology,
Pseudo-Duncanthrax’s ground forces were able to hold their ground
against a small retaliation by the Antharian army. Pseudo-Duncanthrax
had orchestrated the first victory of the longest war in history,
beginning the bloodiest battle ever waged on Zork.
PLANS FOR RETALIATION (665 GUE)
Fumed
that another country would dare to lay hold of his Empire,
Pseudo-Duncanthrax set his mind not only to staging a counterstrike
against the Antharian Armada, but an invasion of the entire
island-nation. No one had ever invaded Antharia since its refounding.
Some had tried to, but found that its cliff-lined coasts and heavily
fortified harbors were a tough clam to crack. But the king had a plan
which required both a vast navy, magical might, and a few sneaky
tricks. He put his best engineers to the task of creating a fleet of
ships that could overwhelm the Antharians.
Those of the recently
established Borphee Guild of Wizards refused to be used as his weapons
for conquering Antharia. Knowing that the child Berknip was the heart
and soul of their guild, Pseudo-Duncanthrax took him prisoner. His
ransom for the return of their precious magician was their cooperation
in the upcoming battle against Antharia. The wizards would have done
anything for Berknip and anything to protect him. All of their attempts
to rescue him with AIMFIZ failed. And though they did not like
Pseudo-Duncanthrax any more than any other ruthless king, but while he
held Berknip hostage, he commanded their loyalty.
Perturbed by any
notion of failure, Pseudo-Duncanthrax still feared that the ones whom
he had imprisoned because of their proximity to the real Duncanthrax
would spark rumors or escape to spread news of the odd behavior of the
king. To solve this anticipated dilemma, his dungeons were emptied, and
all captives found themselves chained to oars as slaves for warships
that would soon be bound for Antharia.
But more men were needed.
Concurrently while his fleet was being hastily constructed,
Pseudo-Duncanthrax in collaboration with the man that he appointed to
be the Gatekeeper of Borphee, sat down to author a compendium of new
laws for the kingdom that were “written against everything but picking
your nose, and that will be illegal tomorrow.”
Honor
thy father and thy mother, that they may remember you in their wills.
Thou
shalt not commit adultery with ugly women, nor with ugly men, nor with
ugly
combinations thereof. Neither shalt thou fornicate with farm animals,
nor with
fundamentalist religious practitioners lest they multiply beyond their
number.
Thou
shalt not steal unless thy income be already in the upper tenth
percentile.
It
was made certain that the least infraction of any of these countless
city ordinances would result in dire consequences. It seemed that there
was not a single resident of Borphee that was not exempt from at least
a hundred of these laws. The finalized version was put into effect
during spring of 665. This edict was followed by more soldiers,
commonplace house-to-house searches, and a tremendous disappearance of
the populace as they were tossed upon his warships as needed. The great
metropolis was no longer the party place of Quendor that it had been in
the past, as whichever citizens the king elected, were arrested and
added to his ships’ crews.
ZILBO ESCAPES (665 GUE)
In
spring of 665 GUE, it was made known to Pseudo-Duncanthrax by a young
man named Caspar Wartsworth that Zilbo III had managed to escape beyond
the walls of the city. The king rewarded the man by placing him upon
one of his many galleons which he planned to send to Antharia. Little
did he know, that this Caspar would be responsible for his overthrow a
few years later.
INVASION OF ANTHARIA (665 GUE)
Thus
in 665 GUE, the forces of Pseudo-Duncanthrax went forth to vanquish the
remainder of the Antharian Armada. Although the king had a powerful
navy, his first engagement against the island nation would be a
military feint. Stacking each of his battle biremes with only his
weakest enchanters, he sent the Quendoran navy across the ocean to
close in on the Antharian shore. His initial attacks against the
Antharian Armada proved fruitless, causing his navy to lose the first
engagement. But this outcome had been planned from the beginning—a
colossal trick to instill the Antharians with overconfidence and lure
them away from their fortress-like island. It was successful.
The
Antharians relentlessly pursued the remnants of the first Quendoran
force all the way back to the Westland coast. How could they have known
that the cream of Quendor’s fleet and their best wizards were waiting
for them? It was hardly a fight. Antharian lost every single pursuing
ship to only seven of the most powerful masters.
Once all of the
Antharian forces near Quendor had been eliminated, Pseudo-Duncanthrax
returned his fleet to the Antharian shores where they met little to no
resistance now that the island nation’s military might had been
crippled. Eventually, Pseudo-Duncanthrax’s troops, assisted by the
seven powerful masters of the Borphee Guild of Wizards, managed to
quash every remaining enclave of the Antharian forces.
The defeat
of the Antharian Armada and the purge of the island-nation gave
Pseudo-Duncanthrax undisputed control of the Great Sea and put the
superb shipbuilding facilities of Antharia at his disposal. Even more
importantly, the conquest of Antharia also gave Pseudo-Duncanthrax
possession of Antharia’s famed granola mines. Unfortunately, no one in
Quendor liked granola. All of the minor wizards were imprisoned in
Antharia, except for Krepkit and the other six most powerful of their
order; the king would shortly have need of them.
One of the fastest
spreading and most famous stories told all over Borphee after the war
with Antharian was how an inflamed sea serpent ravished the Quendoran
bireme of Captain Chulig, exiling the entire crew to the bottom of the
ocean.
EXPEDITION OF THE EASTLANDS
(666 GUE)
Still
bothered by the alleged existence of the Eastlands, Pseudo-Duncanthrax
directed his ships in its direction. Within months, Quendor’s navy was
returning from voyages with tales of a magical land on the distant
eastern shore of the Great Sea. They also told of an underground
civilization and giant red X’s. Pseudo-Duncanthrax was incensed that
this vast land existed outside his dominion, and spent many nights
storming the halls of his castle bellowing at his servants and
advisors. Then, one day, he had a sudden inspiration: assemble a huge
fleet, cross the Great Sea and conquer the lands on the eastern shore.
The
fleet hit shore in 666 GUE and instantly began ransacking whatever
shreds of pre-existing civilization they could find. As
Pseudo-Duncanthrax’s invasion swept across the new lands, he made a
startling discovery: huge caverns and tunnels, populated by gnomes,
trolls and other magical races, all of whom loved granola. Not only
would he extend his empire, but he would finally have a market for all
the useless accumulated granola. What few armed resistance movements
there were did not last very long. The strongest militia that the
easygoing “natives” were able to pull together assembled at Zorbel Pass
to face Duncanthrax’s forces, in what is today known as the Diablo
Massacre.
Not
only did this most famous battle of the Eastlands campaign demonstrated
Pseudo-Duncanthrax’s daring, cunning and ruthlessness. This
battle marked the end of the last pathetic resistance to
Pseudo-Duncanthrax’s campaign. Military historians consider the routing
of the native militia as a key moment in the conquering of the
Eastlands. The remaining portions of the land were conquered without
much difficulty, and within months, Pseudo-Duncanthrax was in control
of the entire territory. And the other less sentient beings who
occupied the land, such as many of the trolls and gnomes, were kept
alive during the Pseudo-Duncanthrax conquests both for manual labor and
their inherent novelty. Within the years of 666~667, Castle Irondune
was constructed (in what is today known as the Desert River Province)
as a frontier outpost in Pseudo-Duncanthrax’s campaign.
LOCKSMOORE BEFRIENDS
PSEUDO-DUNCANTHRAX (c. 666 GUE)
Although
the worship of fire and its corresponding elements has its roots in the
primitive tribal cultures that thrived before the Age of Entharion, the
modern form of the religion traces its origins to the time of
Locksmoore. That long-lived ascetic wise man was one of the first to
establish friendly contact between the conquered tribes in the
Eastlands and the armies of Pseudo-Duncanthrax from the west. He was
well-versed in the lore and religions of the primitive society, and
shared this information with the Quendoran newcomers, even befriending
Pseudo-Duncanthrax and his chief engineer, Cornelius Agrippa, during
their visits to the east.
EXPANDING THE EMPIRE UNDERGROUND (666~668
GUE)
While
scouring the landscape for signs of where Yoruk began his fabled
descent into Hades, Pseudo-Duncanthrax’s soldiers stumbled into an
intricate network of caverns and tunnels that spanned across the entire
continent. Concurrently, the king learned of vast tunnels honeycombing
parts of Antharia where various supplies were stored and weapons
horded. This discovery came at exactly the right time for
Pseudo-Duncanthrax, as he had recently become depressed after
conquering every territory on the surface of Zork and having nothing
left to do. Even as Pseudo-Duncanthrax conquered the Eastlands, his
imagination was inspired by the natural underground formation and
endless passageways. If these caverns and tunnels were possible in
nature, so might they be formed by humans! This fat red-head realized
that by burrowing into the ground and building such a network he could
increase the size of his empire by fivefold or even tenfold! Quendor
would no longer be the only nation without an underground kingdom!
There
was one additional purpose behind the construction of these highways,
Pseudo-Duncanthrax planned for them to link every major city and castle
in Quendor and the outlying provinces, and when they were complete,
scores and scores of its soldiers would pay each of them a wonderful
surprise visit. Then his rule would be truly complete.
FROBOZZ MAGIC CONSTRUCTION COMPANY
FOUNDED (668-03-19 GUE)
History
tells us that with all Zork in his grasp and nothing left to conquer,
Pseudo-Duncanthrax founded the Frobozz Magic Construction Company (the
forerunner of the modern industrial giant FrobozzCo International) to
undertake this ambitious project on Arch 19, 668 GUE. It is known that
the
original FrobozzCo building was constructed in 667 GUE prior to
Pseudo-Duncanthrax’s founding of the company. It is also thought that
the Frobozz Magic Company had been originally founded by J.B. Frobozz,
whose motto was “Sell Good Magical Aids.” Thus it may be safe to
conclude that Pseudo-Duncanthrax “acquired” this company instead of
having been its initial founder. This usurper of the throne is
classified as being the first president of the company.
Pseudo-Duncanthrax required the
energy of the seven most powerful wizards of the Borphee Guild in
unison with every living being to complete his mammoth vision. In order
to maintain control of the Krepkit and the other six most powerful
wizards, the king continued to hold Berknip hostage, although he
relocated the child to Antharia, thereby manipulating them to use their
powerful KATPIL spells to move earth wherever he wished. The king
coaxed the remainder of the populace into laboring for the highways
with a cache of VAXUM scrolls.
With both the wizards and almost
every citizen of the empire employed for the project, work quickly
started on the new underground tunnels and Pseudo-Duncanthrax began
expanding downward in both the eastern and western lands. The natural
caverns in the eastern lands would be expanded tremendously, and new
caverns and passages would be dug in the western lands, chiefly in the
vicinity of Egreth Castle and Borphee. This outset of this entire
underground project would later become known as the Great Labor.
His
shrewd business acumen, paired with the utter lack of any competition,
allowed the company to almost immediately broaden into several
affiliated subsidiaries under the new FrobozzCo International umbrella.
Three of the first spawns were: the Frobozz Magic Cave Company, the
Frobozz Magic Dirt Removal Company and the Frobozz Magic Underground
Sewer Installation Company. Within the year, FrobozzCo International
was formed as a parent company for the burgeoning subsidiaries. By 743
GUE, FrobozzCo International would oversee more than 17,000
subsidiaries.
THE TEMPLE OF AGRIPPA CONSTRUCTED (668
GUE)
One
of the most noteworthy projects in 668 GUE was the Temple of Agrippa,
said to be the roots of the secret alchemical society. When the armies
of Pseudo-Duncanthrax’s conquered Kivolli (the region near what would
later be known as the “Desert River Province” and much later, “the
Valley of the Sparrows”) the ancient town was little more than ruins
within the bowels of a hollowed-out mountain, stacked on subterranean
cliffs at the base of the Temple of the Ancients, and connected to the
surface by earthen tunnels. This Temple was archaic,
dedicated to the pseudo-god Athena. Locksmoore had saw this place
fit for his experiments and religious dedication.
Cornelius
Agrippa was one of the few friends that Pseudo-Duncanthrax kept with
him throughout his whole time as king. He was also one of the first
engineers and explorers to accompany the king during his
first expeditions into the newly-discovered underground caverns in the
east. Pseudo-Duncanthrax gave the entire area to the Agrippa clan in a
land grant that they would hold onto for another two hundred years. In
that year, the mountain was further hollowed out, the temple rebuilt
and expanded, and the Frobozz Magic Construction Company connected the
temple to the rest of the underground at Mile 735 of the Southern
Highway.
DUNCANTHRAX'S MURDER ATTEMPT (668
GUE)
Which
Duncanthrax attempted to quietly murder Cornelius Agrippa (the Chief
Engineer who had traveled to the Eastlands on multiple occassions at
the side of Pseudo-Duncanthrax) in 668 is a matter of much controversy,
and is a rather unsolvable puzzle. As Drespo Molmocker’s impersonation
was unmasked this year, it cannot be determined whether the homicide
occurred before or after this discovery. A few historians point to the
letter from Agrippa to the king, making note of the overabundant
praise in the greeting, as well as the tremendous insults that were not
characteristics of the second king. One does well to keep in mind that
the authentic Duncanthrax, while having nothing left to conquer, did
his best to finish the ruthless deeds of underground expansion. It also
is possible that Agrippa, residing in the isolated underground
temple, had no recollection of the restoration of the true monarch.
This would account for the heavy feeling of betrayal and the bizarre
murder attempt that would seem to be a rather quick change of behavior.
It should also be noted that the Unnatural Acts, banning illegal magic
were enacted during the days of the authentic Duncanthrax, and it does
not seem outside of his character to have banned alchemy as an evil
practice from the start.
Whichever king it was, Cornelius
Agrippa, who had continued to practice alchemy within, decided that the
art was too dangerous to be exposed to men devoid of compassion.
Duncanthrax sent a spy with poisoned fruit, hoping to trick Agrippa
into consuming it. But the spy ended up consuming the fruit instead and
chocked to death on his own villainous bile. In response, Agrippa
sealed up the temple so that the king would never have access to what
he sought, and then composed the following letter to the king:
To King Duncanthrax, My Holy and
Exalted
Ruler, The King of Kings, The Emperor of All Both Above the Earth and
Below,
More Bellicose Than Mother Hungus Defending Her Young
A greeting to your lecherous soul.
I bear
ill news.
Your spy is dead, choked to death
on his
own villainous bile. He had consumed the sweet, but deadly fruit you so
kindly
bequeathed to me. You stand alone as a soul of pestilence and
putridity, a
festering wart on the hindquarters of humanity. Be you assured that I
have
sealed off the places that you seek, made certain with your tools of
choice,
with powder and with fire, that you shall never find the places that
you seek.
I, too, practice more than alchemy.
Nor think you that my secrets are
of maps
and words alone. In the black darkness of your heart, there is not room
enough
for the smallest inkling of the knowledge that you seek. Nor will your
brilliant
scientists avail you. To them, Alchemy is nothing but a principle – the
purification and transmutation of base metals into Gold, the search for
power.
The goal of goals, the Quintessence, pure distillate of Human Spirit,
lies well
beyond their ken. They have too much in common with your most learned
and
thoughtful self; their hearts are black as pitch and bled of any memory
of love
or empathy. In all due time, their highest honors and diplomas shall
follow you
on your stately journey into Hell. With men such as you, it is better
to let
knowledge fallow than curse the world with your brand of benevolence.
With all Humility,
Your Most Insignificant and Smelly
Servant,
Agrippa
The Eastlands
668 GUE
PSEUDO-DUNCANTHRAX EXPOSED (668
GUE)
In
an eight year span, Pseudo-Duncanthrax had expanded the nation of
Quendor across all of Zork. By all accounts, the empire had reached its
zenith, but this imposter would never glory in his newfound kingdom.
For in
668 GUE, a small party, consisting of Caspar Wartsworth, Satchmoz the
Incomparable, the witch Nasturtium, Sunrise, and Esmerelda infiltrated
the Royal Palace at Borphee and confronted the king.
Pseudo-Duncanthrax
had somehow managed to acquire a pet grue (a struggler from the tiny
remnant that had survived the eradication of Entharion the Wise) and
had it contained within the lowest levels of the palace, the tunnels
which were so tough as to prevent grue penetration. When the small
party descended into these tunnels, they encountered and defeated the
grue by enchanting it with a FROTZ spell. Unable to escape, the grue
was consumed by the light.
Enraged by the death of his pet,
Pseudo-Duncanthrax encountered the intruders. Before any of them could
assault him, he
VAXUMed them all, forcing them to become adoring subjects. Now
that they were all subjected, Pseudo-Duncanthrax opened the great
crystal door, which was the entrance to the Great Underground Highway,
with a touch of his wand. Esmerelda, who had been split from the rest
of the party, dropped in from one of the chutes in the ceiling. Unable
to stop her
momentum, she knocked Pseudo-Duncanthrax over. A harsh word from him
broke the VAXUM enchantment. The king tried to escape into the crystal
room, but Esmerelda's cat Meezel dropped in from above and landed on
his back. His
cloak was torn off, but using his wand, he escaped through a hidden
door that locked behind him and Drespo Molmocker, impersonator of
Duncanthrax, slipped from the pages of history forever. A search of
through Pseudo-Duncanthrax’s cloak revealed KATPI, VAXUM and PLASTO
scrolls in the cloak (as well as a small key ring, bottle opener, 2
zorkmids, 1 zorkle, 4 lint balls). Shortly after this exposure, the
true Duncanthrax was released from the VAXUM enchantment which had been
placed upon him by Drespo, and rightfully restored to the throne of
Quendor.
Although Duncanthrax himself continued the
far-reaching projects that Drespo Molmocker began to their logical
conclusion, it is likely that without Drespo’s short seizure of power,
the entire course of the Flathead Dynasty would have been remarkably
different, as well as his slightly less-bellicose character not being
tarnished to full bellicosity by the violent wars of expansion commonly
attributed to his name.