THE MASHED POTATO WARS

Following the defeat of Pheebor in 396 BE, the Borpheans made various expeditions. One of these was to the Northlands where Sir Thaddeus Galepath made an incredible discovery that would permanently change both the economic and culinary structure of the Westlands. Galepath described his finding in his journal. “Neither I, nor any of the men had believed a word of the scout’s barely coherent mutterings. But his dumbfounded elation was the field of mushy white substance. In blatant, but understandable, disregard for my orders, the men dropped their belongings and charged down the hill. I quickly gathered my senses and followed behind them. After testing the consistency of the substance with our hands, we threw caution to the wind and dove headlong into what we soon discovered to be the most delicious mashed potatoes that any of us have ever tasted.”

When news (and abundant samples) of this phenomena were sent to Borphee, the ruler of the burgeoning empire, a man named Mareilon, ordered that a village be established immediately to harvest the mashed potatoes and send regular shipments back to Borphee in lieu of any monetary taxation, and that village be named in his honor. Upon receiving these orders, Sir Galepath realized that there must be some kind of miscommunication, as he had already built an encampment which his men had fondly named, Galepath. It was also his understanding that Galepath would be a separate city, free from any kind of taxation and interacting with the other cities by way of equally balanced trade of goods. The dialogue between the two men quickly turned ugly and became steadily worse as it approached what seemed to be an inevitable war.

Fearing a repeat of the Pheebor massacre, Galepath’s advisors convinced him to invite Mareilon to a summit, where they would put their egos aside and work out their problems. Needless to say, this did not work. But surprisingly, it was not a complete disaster. Mareilon returned to Borphee, absorbed by this development, and quickly assembled another expedition that would colonize the region just south of Galepath. This new city would fall directly under Mareilon’s reign, as it was overseen by him, personally.

The competition between the cities of Galepath and Mareilon escalated over the years, eventually outlasting both men’s lives. Though the mashed potato fields were virtually boundless, spiteful citizens would often harvest from the other city’s fields. Despite the valiant attempt to resolve the issue early on, war eventually did break out. But by this time, the new ruler of Borphee had wisely detached himself from the feud, thereby drastically lowering the stakes. The cities of Galepath and Mareilon fought for centuries. And as they did so, both sides slowly lost touch with why they were fighting to begin with. They were driven by self-perpetuating and meaningless anger that only seemed to grow stronger after losing its foundation.