 Yannick's Inquizivision Speech, 1067 (A) / (B) / (C) Inquizivision set up at Mesa (A) Inquizivision destroyed (A) / (B) |
Mir Yannick, the Grand Inquisitor of Zork during the eleventh century prenteded to be the religious leader of the land as means of obtaining power. Having already possessed Frobozz Electric, the Totemizer, and Propaganda, he planned to realize his dastardly dreams to forever rule the Empire by using the diabolical tool, Inquizivision. The powerful mind-control device was in the form of the Inquisition Cable Network, which he planned to broadcast from atop Flathead Mesa and use to broaden and enlighten the minds of citizens across the countryside. This super-plan would tighten his grip on the minds of the Quendorans so painfully, that he believed it might never be reversed. A radio tower other technological devices essential to its broadcast were erected upon the top of Flathead Mesa.
With Inquizivision, non-stop twenty-four-hours-aday Inquisition programming would brainwash the already mind-numbed, dogma-fed population until their brains would become useless mush.
Not only was Port Foozle liberated on Frobuary 34th, 1067 GUE, but it was the date that the Grand Inquisitor had completed his technological wonder. The following day, with the population of Port Foozle and the surrounding regions gathered at the base of Flathead Mesa, Yannick publicly announced his radical new mind-numbing technology that would implement his visionary "One Point of Light" program. The following excerpts from Yannick's speech details some of the tragedies that would have arrived with Inquizivision:
“My
loyal Foozle - Foozilli - people of Foozle. Today, citizens, I give you
the
all-purpose remedy to your boring and mundane lives. (THERE IS CHEERING
FROM
THE CROWD) I have in my hands the detonator that will blow the magic
out from
under us. Five thousand channels.
“What
advances technology has brought us in the past hundred years, following
the
decline of magic! We have Zerts with Zetsyn and Zogaine with Zenoxidil.
We have
lights that are activated by a simple clap on - clap off. We have salad
shooters and granola grinders and knives that can cut through a can of
tinned
platypus one moment, and a tomato in the next. Why, only just days ago,
I
received a patent application at Frobozz Electric, for an individual
cube-shaped beverage coolant system, that would enter into a beverage,
and cool
the substance itself - from the inside out! With the advent of
Inquizivision,
the Inquisition can help administer a soothing, controlling ideology to
your
family, within your own home, every hour of every day of every year.
“We
think you will also enjoy the mellow dogma tunes of the Inquisition
Muzac as
you wash your dishes, make your beds, and polish your busts of the
Grand
Inquisitor. The beauty of Inquizivision is that it's cost-efficient and
simple
to use: Just take the remote from your television, and substitute it
with the
new Inquizivsion remote that comes with the Inquizivision subscription.
Screw
open the hollow bottom of the remote's outer shell. Take a moment to
reflect on
the screw as the symbol of the Inquisition in Occupied Port Foozle. Now
the
rest is easy - all you have to do is remember to take one of the little
white
pills every day, and allow for ten to twelve hours of dogma recitation
on one
of our five hundred channels. You should be feeling happy and fulfilled
in no
time at all. Please do not operate heavy machinery. Offer void where
narcotics
are prohibited. Actual numbers of pills may very from dealer to dealer.
You
will come to see me as I see myself -- as a handsome, benevolent
magistrate,
who is hardly corrupt. Not only will you find yourself able to shun
magic and
most new sensation, and in some cases, all sentient thought, for up to
twenty
four hours a day, but you will find that as you supplement your
Inquizivision
daily dose, you will be able to customize your dogma discipline to fit
your
individual needs.
“Hungry
at night? Try Inquisition Prozork with Evening Appetite Suppressants.
Having
trouble sleeping? Try our special Inquisition Prozork PM. Trouble in
the
marriage? The Inquisition Muzzle-Up will allow both you and your
partner to
avoid unnecessary pleasantries, and even necessary pleasantries, since
neither
party will be able to communicate in any traditional fashion.”
Together, AFGNCAAP (who would become the Fourth Dungeon Master) and Antharia Jack, with the guidance of Y'Gael, returned magic to Zork and thwarted the unleashing of the powerful Inquizivision.
In order to bind the high, middle, and deep artifacts together and return magic to the land, each of the three had to be placed in the correct order along the Inquizivision's radio tower. The Skull of Yoruk, being the receptacle of deep magic, went in the glass dome at the bottom. The Cube of Foundation, being the container for middle magic, went in the nook halfway up the tower. The Coconut of Quendor, being the symbol for high magic, went in one of the balls of the wind gauge thingy at the top of the tower. Unfortunately, when it was placed inside, the wind gauge thingy became unbalanced. The Dungeon Master instructed AFGNCAAP to hang his lantern on the opposite side to balance it out. It was then that Antharia Jack kicked in which his part of the plan, which was to create a distraction. To the adventurer’s dismay, his clever distraction was to point AFGNCAAP’s presence on the tower to the Grand Inquisition himself in the middle of his speech. Despite the cheering crowds and their support, the Grand Inquisitor’s broadcast was cut off and he immediately came up the tower. AFGNCAAP quickly cast MAXOV upon the tower to bind the energies. The resultant blast threw AFGNCAAP and the Grand Inquisitor from the tower while sending a shockwave of magic across the land, diffusing all of Yannick's technology—the radio tower and the monitors and the rest of his Inquizivision system.
Historians have speculated, that if activated, Inquizivision was certain to destroy all free thought, free speech, and free magic in the Underground. Historians have called this prevented time period of Zork "the Age of the Vast Digital Wasteland."